Holding On & Letting Go.

life is complicated. it’s a balancing act. sometimes in those moments when you feel like things are beginning to make sense, it all just seems to fall apart.  life is hard and messy and often painful. but it is also good. sometimes, maybe, it’s not as good as it could be and i think that has a lot to do with holding on and letting go.

these ideas are not new.  they are not earth shattering.  but, they are played out time and time again in our lives.   we are told to keep things close. to take advantage of opportunities at hand. keep a watchful eye on a situation. and we are told to release things.  to choose our battles.  it’s almost as if these things are so far apart.  like we have to choose one road over another.  and how do you know?  how do you know which path is the right one?  if you should keep on betting or fold your hand?  how do you know when to stay and when to just walk away?  what if you didn’t have to choose?  what if you could hold on and still let go?

sometimes we just need to stop obsessing and live our lives.  we need to acknowledge the situation at hand but not be afraid to just close our eyes and fall backwards.  believing there will be a net to catch our fall.  or reminding ourselves that it’s okay to get beat up a little.  it’s okay to feel the pain.  to admit we are human.  sometimes our walls they just get so high.  over the course of our lives we learn not to feel, we learn how to go through life, to go through the motions without really connecting to anything, or anyone.  maybe that is what makes letting go so hard because we wind up clinging so tightly to our issues, to obstacles, to fears, to whatever it is that is blocking our path, we just get used to it.  so much so that the idea of releasing it, of letting it go is so foreign, so impossible to imagine.

it seems like letting go is in such conflict with holding on. in a battle of ideas, letting go always seems to get the upper hand.  leading one to believe that holding on in reality is not the best choice.  because if you hold on too tightly you start to suffocate.  you lose yourself and you become whatever it is you are obsessing over.  you hold on and you forget what you are holding on to and you just hold, hold for dear life hoping it will somehow make sense.  but what if there was a better way?  what if you could hold on, hold tight to something.  keep it close without allowing it to consume you.

what if you could choose to be in a situation without being tied down to it?  what if you could choose to stay at some job you hate, to be loyal to your boss, to put in your time, without obsessing or being unhappy with where you are?  what if we could see the bigger picture of the situation’s we are in without getting caught up in the details? what if you could keep in your heart the memory of a loved one gone and still live your life, still change, and grow, and move forward?  what if it was okay to care about something, to think about something, to find the learning moments and keep those, but still know when it’s time to walk away.  to be okay with endings, but not expecting you will feel nothing.  to realize that finality it not always easy, and at the same time it isn’t always so hard as we imagine.

i guess there is no perfect solution.  there is not always an obvious pre-marked path telling you which way you should go.  but sometimes we over complicate things.  sometimes we try so hard to go to each extreme.  we either have to run as far away as we can or we have to stay immobilized. incapable of moving forward, of moving on.  i’m slowly learning to practice the art of holding on and letting go.  it is a process.  a new way of thinking.  learning to take a moment to breathe before the immediate fight or flight response kicks in.  learning it’s okay to feel and learning it’s okay to walk away.  it doesn’t always mean you are giving up.

but sometimes it does.  and that is ok too.


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