Reflections.

i stumbled across this writing a few days ago and thought i would post it here.  i think it fits in nicely with Lily’s story.  it was written during its conception and really encompasses a lot of the emotions displayed throughout the novel…have you ever felt this way?

the older i get the more i find myself slip away.
the quirks i had – the desire to be alone, needing my space, observing.
stuff that could have once qualified as cute, quirky, playful.
now as each year passes the senses heighten.
the need to be alone magnified to a secluded mess.
anxiety with human interaction, intensified insecurities.
always thinking, feeling i won’t be remembered or recognized.
imagining myself as completely insignificant.
standing against a wall watching the world fly by around me.
so close but just beyond my reach.
imagining i’m impossible to be around.
always up or down.
wanting to be alone, locked away.
needing companionship.
not wanting to leave the house.
staying out all night.
but watching always watching from the sidelines.
afraid of my own shadow.
knowing deep down i am nothing.
wishing i was everything but knowing even then none of this would change.
a prisoner in my own mind.